I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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