Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
