i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
