I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
