bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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