we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
