At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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