Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
