I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
