Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
