with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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