I got chris browned last night
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
