How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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