wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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