just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
