I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
