I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
