My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
