I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
