here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
