Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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