FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Let's paint friendship bongs
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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