she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
