i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
