It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Randomize
