But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
