I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
