surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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