you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
