I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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