I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
