when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Ketchup is God's man juice
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
