College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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