You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
