Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
