So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
