nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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