Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
