counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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