Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize