I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
