In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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