mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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