U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
