Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
