Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
