My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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