I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
