when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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