Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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