Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
